The screw tap was invented in Rotherham. Trouble is, that was in 1847, and my home town has been living off the glory of that technological breakthrough ever since. Forget radio, TV, t'Internet and so on, that's kid's stuff! The council's own web site lists famous people from Rotherham and their stunning achievements. There's George Collinson, who worked at the local pottery in the nineteenth century. He is described as "the best flower-painter employed at the Swinton Works". His near contemporary George Speight was one of the best-known Rockingham artists - there are a number of pieces signed by him including a large tray. A large tray?? Eat your heart out, Tim Berners-Lee! Now then, who else is there...Nelson?? Oh, not the one in Trafalgar Square, this is Nelson the stuffed lion in the town's museum (why is there a stuffed lion in...oh, why bother?). Apparently he was part of a travelling menagerie...before he was stuffed, presumably. Here's a real shining light - Hayden Sanders. He organised what was to become the National Union of Stove Grate, Fender and General Light Metal Workers. Must have been a proud moment. George Gummer, on the other hand, worked at the Effingham Brassworks, became a councillor and rose to dizzy heights when he became Chair of the Gas Works Committee.
I know, I know, my own wilting bouquet of achievements isn't exactly inspirational, but I can't help it, sometimes this town just goes beyond parody.

I was sitting here wondering whether to get my brother a gentleman's chrome plated ball scratcher for Christmas, but I suppose it'll only be funny for the first five minutes, so I'd better start looking again. Anyway, I've finally got round to writing my first blog. There's no particular focus as yet, just general comments about anything that catches my interest.

I think I should start by describing my political point of view. The closest decription I can find is Andrew Sullivan's term, "South Park conservative". The show's co-creator Matt Stone sums it up like this. "I hate conservatives, but I really fucking hate liberals". Trey Parker adds, "And it comes from an honest belief we have, which is...George Bush doesn't know what's going on. Michael Moore does not know what's going on. And Alec Baldwin definitely does not know what's going on. Basically, this shit is gigantically complicated". That fits nicely!

While I'm writing I keep checking to see if any translation work has come in today. For the past two or three years I've been working as an Italian-English translator and a primary school supply teacher. I really hate teaching. I saw a piece of paper on a staff notice board last year inviting comments on "How to make our school better". Did they write "Tell the parents to take responsibility for their kid's behaviour"? Or "Allow us to criticise chav attitudes that denigrate education and undermine everything the school is trying to do"? Or even "Sack all the useless advisers and consultants, whose inflated salaries are diverting resources from where they're most needed"? Of course not...what someone had written was, "Be a dolphin, not a dinosaur". Such pointless platitudes no doubt give their writer a self-satisfied glow, and neatly avoid the possibility of ever having to achieve concrete goals. A reflection of how our political classes operate these days.
Well, I'm a dinosaur, and when I see notices like that and announcements written by teachers that are full of such basic spelling errors as "math's lessons", I think, "Bugger it". I'm not really interested in acting as a surrogate parent for Lexus, Ashleigh (pronounced Ash-lee), Amber and Heavenly (real names, unfortunately). With a bit of luck, I'll be able to stick to translating and any other media work that comes along...wait a minute...Yes! I've got mail!